The Halloween is fast approaching, the pumpkins were finally in the shop and James was excited to make some homebrew wine. Only this wasn't just another wine he was making, it was very special indeed - it was Ron's very first batch! Experience: First homebrew! Lesson Learned: Better bedtime bath routine Sunday 28th OctoberThe breast milk was helping Ron's face a lot! It was such a shame to see spots on such a cute and otherwise perfect little baby face, but this morning I noticed that it looked a lot better! I also noticed that the baby no longer looks like a small baby, he is a big baby now! He is still clumsy and "wooden", there is no smoothness or grace in his movements, but he is strong and determined, he holds his head up high, he waves his arms around with purpose. This morning he was doing squats with James, holding his whole body up on his little feet, if only just for a few seconds! I was so proud and happy, my two lovely boys spending time together, exercising. . . Experience: First homebrew! Spending time together on other hobbies too! Those of you who know James, know what I am about to say next - Homebrew! Oh yes, making homebrew is one of James's favourite pastime activities, one he has learned from his Nan when he was a little boy himself, so there is no escape for Ron, I'm afraid. Cooking, camping, fishing and making homebrew is what James is most excited about, so no doubt Ronnie will love these hobbies too. So there my two boys were in the kitchen, making Ron's first batch of homebrew - a gallon of spiced pumpkin wine ready for next Halloween and baby Ronnie was instrumental in supervising the whole process, making mental notes of the flavours and spices that created the concoction. He got to sniff ground up ginger and cinnamon, see the massive pumpkins carved into scary faces and then thrown into the bucket, hear his daddy explain the whole process. . . Don't be fooled by his sleepy face in this video - he was busy learning it all!
I have to admit that I am feeling just a little bit jealous of James and all the things he can teach his son. I am not really sure if I have any well defined hobbies like that, but I hope Ron can learn a thing or two from his mum as well - if not the practical skills than at least . . . well, I am not really sure what I am good at. . . maths? spreadsheets? Hmmm. . . I may have to have a think about this. . . Regardless of what I can teach him, I am sure that just being there for him is a big help. I realise that as his mum I offer him a "safe space" and because he feels safe with me, I will always experience and absorb the brunt of his emotional breakdowns. There is no need for him to put up a brave face for me, no need to bottle his emotions, hide his true feelings and be civil. He can always be open and honest with me, and these things don't always mean calm! I want to be there for him, as a soundboard, as a mirror, as a road map. I want to be Ron's friend. And maybe that's enough? Maybe just being a mum is enough? I still struggle with what being a mum actually entails, but I am sure that time will tell and I will learn. Ron will teach me. For now though, I am just holding my baby. I am holding my baby and trying to enjoy this time as much as I can - enjoy him being little, enjoy him sleeping in my arms, enjoy him choosing to be close to me. I watched this video that one of my friends shared on Facebook and cried. I realised that really love my baby and I really love being a mum. However, for a while now I've been overwhelmed by this feeling of passing time, precious moments slipping away from me. This newly found sensation of time makes life itself seem to finite, so fragile, so precious. And I cry. And then I smile again. I love my baby and even through all the cries and tears (both Ron's and mine) there are so many smiles, big toothless (Ron's, not mine), deliberate smiles. . . Like the ones he was giving me earlier today! He looks around, makes eye contact, stares deeply into my soul for a second and then *bam* - a massive happy beautiful smile, from ear to ear, just for me! I really wish I could stop time, have my little baby calmly on my chest, smiling forever. There is that feeling of time slipping away coming back. . . And I cry again! The video also made me realise how much of an angel my James is, taking on so much responsibility and making sure that the dogs are happy, the house is tidy, the homestead is looked after, YouTube videos are published on time. . . All I need to do is look after the baby - which is exhausting and overwhelming at times, but there is nothing else for me to worry about. . . Looking after the baby is my job and I want to do it well! There is so much I still need to learn, but I want to be the best mum Ron can ever wish for! Lesson Learned: Better bedtime bath routine Just as we started to develop a good routine, the clocks changed! This slight disruption and the fact that I sponge washed him right before bedtime led to Ron getting majorly overtired and cranky. The baby is ever so sad when he gets overtired! For ages we used to hear parents say "overtired" and kept thinking that a child will simply sleep when he is tired, but now we learned that it's not that simple - adrenaline and stress get elevated, presenting loud and clear. . . How could anyone simply sleep through such emotions?
I now realised that washing him right before bed isn't the best of ideas because he is excited and stimulated whilst being washed and then I expect him to calm down and sleep straight afterwards. Well, it took us 3 hours of repeated feeding, changing nappies, feeding, bouncing with daddy, etc etc etc to settle the baby. I need to wash him earlier in the evening so he has time to calm down before bedtime - a lesson learned there. For the first time ever I also had to lull and sing Ron to sleep. It was late. He slept. Then we slept too.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
My Stories
All
Archives |